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The After
They don’t tell you about the after—the ride home, the shameful silence and heavy notes of regret. They tell you how to cope, but not how to heal. They tell you never to do it again, but they don’t ask why you even did it in the first place. They pretend it never happened, but it haunts you every day. And so, your second life becomes about healing them and not yourself.
This piece is incredible. You've managed to infuse the text with anonymity, yet made it relatable, so your readers can comfortably imagine themselves in the speaker's situation. The only thing I'd recommend would probably be to convey what the speaker "did" more clearly. Subtly hinting it through a specific word choice would make the poem infinitely more powerful, more personal.
ReplyDeleteWow. I love this. I think you do a really good job with emotion and sentiment in this piece. I really feel what the speaker is feeling and I empathize with it. The only thing I think this poem is lacking (and I did it in mine as well) is a sense of clarity about what the "after" is. I think it's really cool that it can extend to an array of ideas and episodes, but I think the piece could benefit from a little more rigidity.
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love the "They" VS "Me". This really creates the feeling of utter loneliness in the situation you allude to and it made this piece a powerful one for me. The feeling of vulnerability you write about does not seem forced at all, bringing this poem to another level. The line , "They tell you never to do it again, but they don’t ask why you even did it in the first place" is especially sharp. " I see the purpose in the vagueness of what "it" is but I could also see how other readers may dislike that aspect of the poem.
ReplyDeleteI think a powerful aspect of this poem is how suddenly the idea of a "second life"--presumably caused by the seriousness of the trauma--sneaks up on the reader in the last sentence. I also like how natural it all seems. Nothing is forced.
ReplyDeleteIn terms of the class, I am trying to teach authors how to show rather than tell about events, emotions, and ideas that they find compelling. This poem is in the mode of telling, rather than showing. I would love to see at least one image in the poem to really drive it home--an image that portrays the isolation the poem tells us about.
The last line is emotionally powerful, but it is unclear to me why the speaker would need to heal the "they," since "they" never talk about the unstated event, and the speaker is the one haunted by it. The "so" in the last sentence implies a causal relationship that is not clear to me.
The poem could also be longer. It ends just as it gets going. Still, like the others who have commented, the poem packs a punch.
The After
ReplyDeleteI really like the consistent contrasts - carries the poem really well.
Silence vs heavy notes
Cope vs heal
Repeated vs initial action
Never vs every day
Them vs you
I also like the last line about "them". It's effective. But it isn't really like they were asking for that- they were just being inadequate in helping you. And I didn't fully understand what it was about- but maybe that's what you intended. Maybe it's meant to be a "magical image", with a certain atmosphere, and not as much focus on concrete details. It was quite powerful.
ReplyDelete